This blog will consist of my 100% true observations from riding my bus to and from work every day. I will also include my random observations on life. Stay tuned and if you like it tell your friends. If you don't like it, still tell your friends, because hits are hits, amigos.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
I almost forgot. Bus Stop Motor mouth claimed that Bus Gump made hip
thrusting humping motions at her daughter. You know, the former
ballerina/gymnast current competitive eater/sumo wretler who
artificially inseminated herself. Get that picture in your head. Merry
you have ever been to an oriental grocery store and smelled that weird
scent that is vaguely reminiscent of mothballs, then you know exactly
what my bus smells like today. It is Big Trouble in Little China back
here. I'm just waiting for the kung fu lightening dudes to show up with
the wicker basket hats.
Gump's girlfriend gave him tickets to a Wailers concert for Christmas,
but the concert isn't for another 2 years. They exchanged Christmas
presents early because her Dad is rich and they are going to the Bahamas
for Christmas. Her dad drives a Porsche, Jaguar, and Tahoe. I have
the sneaking suspicion that Bus Gump is not being honest with me.
Bus Gump asked how much money I thought this dude made. I was like "at
least 6 figures.". He said,"Is that more than you?". To which I should
have replied,"Absolutely not. I just ride the bus when Ferrari and my
Bentley are both in the shop", but I simply said "Yep"
last time I talked with Bus Gump, he told me & Nice Lady about
mentally people running around farting & flipping off the cops.
Then he dropped an F bomb. NL told him that he shouldn't talk like
that, and he shut down & refused to talk...
it turns out Bus Gump is a schizophrenic. When he is off his meds he
talks about very dark things (devil worship, microwaving a cat, stabbing
his ex girlfriend, etc.). For this reason, I am going to lay off of
the Bus Gump posts. However, Angry Bus Guy and Bus Stop Motor Mouth are
still fair game.
*Bus Adventures Disclaimer*
Bus Gump got baptized this weekend. I am happy for him and I am not
making light of his baptism. The conversation that followed is fair
Gump: I feel different now. I can't listen to Metal anymore. I tried
to last night and I just couldn't. Yep, I'm not a Muslim anymore
either. Me: You were a Muslim? Seriously? BG: Oh yeah. I was a Muslim for years. I also used to...
...worship the Devil. Me: WHAT? BG: I worshiped the Devil. I believed in human sacrifices and killing. All of it. Not anymore. I'm a Christian now. Me: Was that because of the Heavy Metal.
BG: Yeah. I used to like Metallica. They are a bad band and they go
against God. That song Enter Sandman is about the Devil. I was born in
1965 when Pink Floyd was popular. Don't listen to them either.
Gump: "You really like your phone? You use it a lot? What are you
reading? Do you ever get tired of your phone? What kind of phone is
it?" Me: "A Blackberry." BG: "Oh I hate those. They are boring. Have a good day sir. Thanks for always helping me out." No, Bus Gump, thank you for helping us all start our workday with a smile on our faces.
Stop Motor Mouth: "That little guy that is a little off gets on my damn
nerves. He asks the same things over and over again. He used to ask
me for money all the time. At least he is not doing that anymore.
Somebody must have said something to him." DRAMA! I'll give you one
guess of who she is referring to.
Gump is riding my bus home. A rare treat. He almost went through the
windshield while trying to give the driver the 65 cents he bummed from
some guy because he was short. Poor little guy. Note to self: keep
change in my book bag, so Bus Gump doesn't end up splattered on the
Bus Gump to me: "Have you ever read The Source?" Me: "No. What's it about" BG: "It's about the Jews. They find a manifold." Ummmm. What?
think Bus Gump is wise to me. I'm sitting behind him and not only did
he recline his seat so that he can sleep, he reclined the empty seat
beside him. WTF? I am Get Your Damn Seat Out Of My Lap Bus Guy today!
One of my biggest pet peeves!