I know it is early, but I have my New Year's Resolution. If you lay your bus seat back in my lap and get off the bus without raising it, I'm going to strip down to my cowboy boots and speedos and give you a Dusty Rhodes bionic elbow and bloody you up like Rick Flair! The American Dream, Daddy! #busStarcade

A guy, who I'm pretty sure I saw on COPS Saturday, just got on the bus & smells like a Phillip Morris plant on fire & continues his phone call with Megan. He says he is bringing her the $48 he owes her and after that she will owe him. He said, "are you going to kiss my lips?". 3 seconds later its "megan! Megan! Ok we are done after this.". Good news, single ladies, he is back on the market.

Bus Gump must have started his Christmas Vacation early. He hasn't been on the bus all week. Could Bus Gump actually be one of Santa's elves?

if Adelle ever makes a Christmas album, "Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer" may become the saddest song ever.

I almost forgot. Bus Stop Motor mouth claimed that Bus Gump made hip thrusting humping motions at her daughter. You know, the former ballerina/gymnast current competitive eater/sumo wretler who artificially inseminated herself. Get that picture in your head. Merry Christmas everybody!

If you have ever been to an oriental grocery store and smelled that weird scent that is vaguely reminiscent of mothballs, then you know exactly what my bus smells like today. It is Big Trouble in Little China back here. I'm just waiting for the kung fu lightening dudes to show up with the wicker basket hats.

Bus Gump's girlfriend gave him tickets to a Wailers concert for Christmas, but the concert isn't for another 2 years. They exchanged Christmas presents early because her Dad is rich and they are going to the Bahamas for Christmas. Her dad drives a Porsche, Jaguar, and Tahoe. I have the sneaking suspicion that Bus Gump is not being honest with me.

 Bus Gump asked how much money I thought this dude made. I was like "at least 6 figures.". He said,"Is that more than you?". To which I should have replied,"Absolutely not. I just ride the bus when Ferrari and my Bentley are both in the shop", but I simply said "Yep"

I think this bus driver got into the turkey early.....the Wild Turkey 101 proof! He is going like 15 mph and stopping at every stop despite nobody pulling the signal cord.

the last time I talked with Bus Gump, he told me & Nice Lady about mentally people running around farting & flipping off the cops. Then he dropped an F bomb. NL told him that he shouldn't talk like that, and he shut down & refused to talk...

so the driver just stopped at transit center and got off the bus withoit saying a word. After like 15 minutes I got off. I made it 2 blocks before the bus moved. WTF?

So, it turns out Bus Gump is a schizophrenic. When he is off his meds he talks about very dark things (devil worship, microwaving a cat, stabbing his ex girlfriend, etc.). For this reason, I am going to lay off of the Bus Gump posts. However, Angry Bus Guy and Bus Stop Motor Mouth are still fair game.

*Bus Adventures Disclaimer*
Bus Gump got baptized this weekend. I am happy for him and I am not making light of his baptism. The conversation that followed is fair game....

 

Bus Gump: I feel different now. I can't listen to Metal anymore. I tried to last night and I just couldn't. Yep, I'm not a Muslim anymore either.
Me: You were a Muslim? Seriously?
BG: Oh yeah. I was a Muslim for years. I also used to...

 

...worship the Devil.
Me: WHAT?
BG: I worshiped the Devil. I believed in human sacrifices and killing. All of it. Not anymore. I'm a Christian now.
Me: Was that because of the Heavy Metal.
BG: Yeah. I used to like Metallica. They are a bad band and they go against God. That song Enter Sandman is about the Devil. I was born in 1965 when Pink Floyd was popular. Don't listen to them either.

Bus Gump: "You really like your phone? You use it a lot? What are you reading? Do you ever get tired of your phone? What kind of phone is it?"
Me: "A Blackberry."
BG: "Oh I hate those. They are boring. Have a good day sir. Thanks for always helping me out."
No, Bus Gump, thank you for helping us all start our workday with a smile on our faces.

Bus Stop Motor Mouth: "That little guy that is a little off gets on my damn nerves. He asks the same things over and over again. He used to ask me for money all the time. At least he is not doing that anymore. Somebody must have said something to him." DRAMA! I'll give you one guess of who she is referring to.

Bus Gump rocks out to AC/DC! He just yelled AC/DC to some guy and gave him a thumbs up. I think bus driver should play "Back in Black" every time he gets on or off the bus.

Angry Bus Guy is now critiquing Taylor Swift music videos. Today is going to be a good day.

Bus Gump is riding my bus home. A rare treat. He almost went through the windshield while trying to give the driver the 65 cents he bummed from some guy because he was short. Poor little guy. Note to self: keep change in my book bag, so Bus Gump doesn't end up splattered on the windshield.

 Bus Gump to me: "Have you ever read The Source?"
Me: "No. What's it about"
BG: "It's about the Jews. They find a manifold."
Ummmm. What?

I think Bus Gump is wise to me. I'm sitting behind him and not only did he recline his seat so that he can sleep, he reclined the empty seat beside him. WTF? I am Get Your Damn Seat Out Of My Lap Bus Guy today! One of my biggest pet peeves!

I was telling Bus Stop Motormouth about her dog barking and scaring some kids last night. Bus Gump interjected.
Bus Gump to Motormouth: What is your dog's name?
MM: Big Girl
BG: Is she a big dog?

the bus driver, Sunshine, is talking loud as hell like she is getting her hair did at the beauty shop and some old guy is reading jokes even louder from his Reader's Digest. Note to self, never work late when riding the bus! The 5:10 bus is not for me!

I had to do the Park and Ride this morning. As soon as I walk up, Bus Gump tells me he is taking the bus downtown, so I don't need to wake him up like I did last time. I told him that I have never done that. He insists that I did and then finally concedes, "well, maybe it was someone who looks like you.". Being as the average age on our bus is 53.263 yrs old, I doubt it, but I let it slide.

 2 ladies were talkin a/b living in Ohio. Gump interjects, "I don't like Ohio. I don't like the East. I love the West. Ever since Detroit went down I don't like the East. I like to sleep."

my 4 year old just solved his first math problem. We asked if he needed go #1 or #2. He said he needed to go #3 because he needed to do both. The things they teach on sesame st these days. Thanks Oscar!

I was at the BET Source Hip Hop Awards this morning! Well, either that or the lady who parked beside me in the parking deck is deaf and has to feel the bass to "hear" the music. I may have done the "Dougie". Don't judge me, haters!

"You know it's very special when dogs sleep. They don't like to be bothered."
-Bus Gump, whose Bojangles biscuit of choice bologna.

I was running late this morning so I had to pick up the bus at the park and ride. This is where Bus Gump picks up the bus. He was telling me and some lady about a deer running across the road like 5 or 10 minutes before we got there. he said "I'm going to make sure to tell the bus driver". Shockingly, Dontgiveadamn Bus Driver was not intrigued by Bambi's early morning exploits.

Machete is driving my bus this afternoon, Angry Bus Guy better lay off the immigration talk. Just sayin'.

Forrest Gump rides my bus and he has just asked dontgiveadamn bus driver every question about his life in the past 10 minutes of this commute. This little dude is cracking me up. the driver is going to lose it!

 now Bus Gump is talking to the Bus Stop Motormouth. She wants to talk about Olive Garden and BofA layoffs and he is talking about staying up watching the football channel on his cable until 4am. Who will control this conversation? There can be only one! Either way, we all lose on the 62X this morning.

Welcome to My Bus Adventures

This blog will consist of my 100% true observations from riding my bus to and from work every day. We have a real cast of main characters that I have nick named. They are:

• Bus Gump - The star of the show. He has some mental health issues, but he is super friendly to everyone. He will talk to anyone. He asks lots of questions and loves heavy metal.  When he listens to too much metal, his dark side comes out.  He claims to have been a Satanist and a Muslim, but he just got saved, so he is currently a Christian.
• Angry Bus Guy - This dude is always pissed off! Rush Limbaugh thinks he is too far to the right.  He often walks onto the bus cursing for no apparent reason.
• Bus Stop Motor Mouth - This lady will not stop talking. She loves to gossip.

I will also include my random observations on life.  Stay tuned and if you like it tell your friends.  If you don't like it, still tell your friends, because hits are hits, friends.