I almost forgot. Bus Stop Motor mouth claimed that Bus Gump made hip thrusting humping motions at her daughter. You know, the former ballerina/gymnast current competitive eater/sumo wretler who artificially inseminated herself. Get that picture in your head. Merry Christmas everybody!

If you have ever been to an oriental grocery store and smelled that weird scent that is vaguely reminiscent of mothballs, then you know exactly what my bus smells like today. It is Big Trouble in Little China back here. I'm just waiting for the kung fu lightening dudes to show up with the wicker basket hats.

Bus Gump's girlfriend gave him tickets to a Wailers concert for Christmas, but the concert isn't for another 2 years. They exchanged Christmas presents early because her Dad is rich and they are going to the Bahamas for Christmas. Her dad drives a Porsche, Jaguar, and Tahoe. I have the sneaking suspicion that Bus Gump is not being honest with me.

 Bus Gump asked how much money I thought this dude made. I was like "at least 6 figures.". He said,"Is that more than you?". To which I should have replied,"Absolutely not. I just ride the bus when Ferrari and my Bentley are both in the shop", but I simply said "Yep"

I think this bus driver got into the turkey early.....the Wild Turkey 101 proof! He is going like 15 mph and stopping at every stop despite nobody pulling the signal cord.

the last time I talked with Bus Gump, he told me & Nice Lady about mentally people running around farting & flipping off the cops. Then he dropped an F bomb. NL told him that he shouldn't talk like that, and he shut down & refused to talk...

so the driver just stopped at transit center and got off the bus withoit saying a word. After like 15 minutes I got off. I made it 2 blocks before the bus moved. WTF?

So, it turns out Bus Gump is a schizophrenic. When he is off his meds he talks about very dark things (devil worship, microwaving a cat, stabbing his ex girlfriend, etc.). For this reason, I am going to lay off of the Bus Gump posts. However, Angry Bus Guy and Bus Stop Motor Mouth are still fair game.

*Bus Adventures Disclaimer*
Bus Gump got baptized this weekend. I am happy for him and I am not making light of his baptism. The conversation that followed is fair game....

 

Bus Gump: I feel different now. I can't listen to Metal anymore. I tried to last night and I just couldn't. Yep, I'm not a Muslim anymore either.
Me: You were a Muslim? Seriously?
BG: Oh yeah. I was a Muslim for years. I also used to...

 

...worship the Devil.
Me: WHAT?
BG: I worshiped the Devil. I believed in human sacrifices and killing. All of it. Not anymore. I'm a Christian now.
Me: Was that because of the Heavy Metal.
BG: Yeah. I used to like Metallica. They are a bad band and they go against God. That song Enter Sandman is about the Devil. I was born in 1965 when Pink Floyd was popular. Don't listen to them either.

Bus Gump: "You really like your phone? You use it a lot? What are you reading? Do you ever get tired of your phone? What kind of phone is it?"
Me: "A Blackberry."
BG: "Oh I hate those. They are boring. Have a good day sir. Thanks for always helping me out."
No, Bus Gump, thank you for helping us all start our workday with a smile on our faces.

Bus Stop Motor Mouth: "That little guy that is a little off gets on my damn nerves. He asks the same things over and over again. He used to ask me for money all the time. At least he is not doing that anymore. Somebody must have said something to him." DRAMA! I'll give you one guess of who she is referring to.

Bus Gump rocks out to AC/DC! He just yelled AC/DC to some guy and gave him a thumbs up. I think bus driver should play "Back in Black" every time he gets on or off the bus.

Angry Bus Guy is now critiquing Taylor Swift music videos. Today is going to be a good day.

Bus Gump is riding my bus home. A rare treat. He almost went through the windshield while trying to give the driver the 65 cents he bummed from some guy because he was short. Poor little guy. Note to self: keep change in my book bag, so Bus Gump doesn't end up splattered on the windshield.

 Bus Gump to me: "Have you ever read The Source?"
Me: "No. What's it about"
BG: "It's about the Jews. They find a manifold."
Ummmm. What?

I think Bus Gump is wise to me. I'm sitting behind him and not only did he recline his seat so that he can sleep, he reclined the empty seat beside him. WTF? I am Get Your Damn Seat Out Of My Lap Bus Guy today! One of my biggest pet peeves!

I was telling Bus Stop Motormouth about her dog barking and scaring some kids last night. Bus Gump interjected.
Bus Gump to Motormouth: What is your dog's name?
MM: Big Girl
BG: Is she a big dog?