Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Gump and the City or Bus Swan

So Bus Gump gets on the bus and turns to me and says:
  • Have you ever watched Sex and the City?  It's a bunch of women whoring around and buying dresses.  I don't like that Parker.  She is a slut.  Have you watched it before?  Is it funny?  So is it just a bunch of women looking for men to be whores with?  Is Parker the biggest whore?  I don't like her.  She is a slut.  She turns me off."
  • "Have you seen Black Swan.  That movie is sick.  I read the book and it was a really good book.  Do you like ballerinas?  Why not?  Do they turn you off?  You don't like it when they just spin around?  Would you rather watch them or sports?  Would you pay thousands of dollars to watch ballerinas?  What if they were dressed up like princesses?  Like the Nutcracker.  Do you like Tchaikovsky?  So you don't like this song, doo doo doo doop doot doot doot do da doo doodle doop?  If I kept singing that, would it drive you nuts?"
  • To the bus driver, "Are you responsible for my safety?  Do you ever have to tell people to sit down?  Buses can be dangerous, right.  Is that because they are so much bigger than us?  Working on a bus is a lot work, isn't it?  Thank you for driving me."
He gets off of the bus at the tranist station each day to hop a transfer bus.  It can be a rough place and I have often worried about his safety depite his prowess at being a gangsta.  Today, I think I discovered how he does it.  He always takes off his sweatshirt or jacket before he gets off of the bus even when it is freezing cold.  Today I noticed that he just stood there after he got off of the bus going "Honk, honk, honk, honk, honk!" like a goose as loud as he could.  He must turn up the crazy dial so that the bus station dregs will leave him alone.  Pretty clever, Gumpster.

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